Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
