You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
