Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
