I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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