we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
