I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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