We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
