My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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