I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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