so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Im part way to drunk.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
