He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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