Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
