he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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