dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
