when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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