this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
