lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
