I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
