Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
