I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize