It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
