The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
