I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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