Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize