dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
