Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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