Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
