its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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