So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
