This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize