quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
