"it" just moved
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
