Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
