He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
