That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
