actually, I'm a sock model
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
