Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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