I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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