I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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