What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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