Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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