I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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