last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
