we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
