my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
