Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
