apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
