Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
