When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
