Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
