while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
