ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
