Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
