I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
