A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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