How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
