I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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