That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
