I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
