I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize