is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
