he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
