she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
