Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Acid is not a monday night drug
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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