i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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