Will you blow on my dice?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
