I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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