I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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