Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize