yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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