fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
