My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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