i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
