i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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