So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
