She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We need to get me chipped asap
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize