You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
