i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
