Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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