walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
