Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
