At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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