wakey wakey hands off snakey
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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