I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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