you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize