Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
