McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
