Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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