It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
