Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
