we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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