he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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