I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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