There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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