There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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