I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
