i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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