East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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