eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
